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.Wednesday, September 09, 2009 @ 2:01 PM Y

The following blogpost's fer Hafiz only. Yg lain xyah ngade2 bace, t'masuk BELL.

Pasal smlm. Pasal this morning. Basically everything. Sorry, sorry, & sorry again. Sumpah I sorry sgt2. I knew everything I said would have affected you, but that phrase, sumpah I xsangke u tetibe ley jd camtu psl ayt I.

N'way, to set things straight. Smlm, bukan u yg wat I nangis pun. Br2 ni, I've been like a living time bomb, about to explode at any moment. Maybe last night was one of those moments. Couldn't hold myself back any longer. Btw, thx sbb still lyn I. I sll reluctant nak cite kat u semue ni, psl I ley imagine kot u rase camne. Tp, heh, I ade sape lg skrg ni. It's been months, sgale bende, sgale perasaan I pendam sendiri, xbgtau sesape. Even blogging, hah, that's only a small part of how I really feel. Nad, even die x d'update pun, I don't tell her anything anymore. Then tetibe u dtg, & I fall apart, everything I bgtau u, everything I lpskan kat u, when you should be the last person to listen.

Berbaloi. Ape yg u ckp smlm tu, I t'fkir, klu u rase camtu, agknye b'baloi ke I tunggu kat sini lg, pdhal ape yg I menunggu tu dah lame pergi? Hope? Long gone, it doesn't exist. He won't change his ways & turn back to me. Hrpn pe je yg ade. In my dreams I suppose. Byk bende I sendiri xley explain, its not this & its not that. So camne I nak lpaskan semue kat u kan. I don't even know what I should say, I can't find the words to explain everything. All I can do is cry out loud & keep everything within me. Nak luahkan kat die? Haha. Nak ckp kat u pun susah, jgn nak meluahkan kat die la kan. He won't understand.

Then pg td. Didn't realise that what I said was basically the answer you needed from me. But it's true, I suppose, sad as it is. Now that you mentioned it. I am like a hot glass that can't be touched. I'm nice to see, pleasant to have, but come too close & you'll scale yourself. Same goes to the phrase that I'm like a block of ice that will never melt. Ati I dah tertutup dah pun skrg. No one can steal my heart anymore. I'm scared, I can't find anyone else that I can love anymore, I've lost the person I love the most, & I won't let my heart go through the pain again. So yea. Mayb utk u agk menyakitkan ati la I ckp camni, tp utk I, its all I can do to protect myself. & I have to love myself too only can I love others, right?

Idk what I'm crapping about really. But yea, hopefully u somehow fham la kan. Ntah. I've been pretty lovesick recently, but no one seems to have caught my attention. I've just, completely changed, I'm no longer that girl who could fall fer sweet talk or good looks. Despite changing so much, I still try to find wtvr I need to supposingly change. I feel lonely, I admit. Each day I go through feels empty, even if your around, even if others are around. But I try. I try, you know I do.

Meanwhile, I just went through my 20000+ cmnts in myspace just to look fer the few cmnts from Casper. Pfft. I'm officially going insane. Doomsday's in 2012 huh? Can't wait tht long. I just wanna die right now, my head's too heavy from all this thinking. I feel like doing self-injury, but I just don't have the guts at the moment. I'm trying to get through, but it's hard. I feel like giving up already.


.Farah Alia.
Growing up, lost in her ups & downs, desperately trying to find the real meaning of life. With only 18 yrs of experience in life, its a journey. With memories that can nvr be forgotten.


Family. <33
The best family ever. To mummy & papa; Bringing me into this world, raising me up & protecting me, you're the only ones that I know who would never abandon me. You taught me the importance of loving a family, to take care of others, to value life & live as a good person. Even if once I didn't understand why & thought tht you were a nuisance to me, as I grow older I started to know why, & try my best to appreciate it. Of course, growing up, as Mummy puts it, I nvr know how high the sky is or how deep the ground is, in other words, I don't know my limits, but one thing's fer sure, I'll nvr forget how important family really is. Words of wisdom, I live to the fullest each day. I love you all.

Friends. <33
All sorts. Close, best, good, or just friends. All around, to laugh with, to share with, to be together with. Besties like Nad, supportive when they can be, there to cheer you up when you're down, we need people like that in our lives. I'm grateful to have friends like y'all, to share the fun I experience with. To just talk, or chill, or hangout. A part of your life that is always a must fer everyone. I love y'all. (:


Mell Joy Hilman
Liyana Sharia


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