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.Saturday, September 19, 2009 @ 4:17 AM Y

Suda pindah!


<33, frh alia.

.Friday, September 11, 2009 @ 9:17 PM Y

Name one person you wish you could fix things with, and why haven’t you?
name? he knows who he is.
not until u learn how to change, then i wouldn't want you back, no matter how much i love you. & i'm sure that by the time you actually change you wouldn't love me anymore.

Looking for!

The next guy who can steal my heart.

Wait. Never actually said this aloud have I? Here, lemme say it:

Status: Single, & definitely available. ;)

. @ 1:16 AM Y

Currently tuning into: Kylie Minogue - On A Night Like This

Now I'm getting closer to you,
Hold me, I just can't be without you,
You kiss me, I'm falling,
It's your name I'm calling,
You touch me, I want you,
Feels like I've always known you.

So. I'm actually regretting not concentrating in the first few weeks of lectures. I'm in need of certain notes. Pfft. N'way, here's some random stuff.

-Business Maths paper on Saturday. 6 fucking chapters to revise in 1 night. X mampos lak aku.

-Oh, there was this guy that added me in Myspace. & guess where he first saw me? In KUIS Bangi. Haha wtf. When I went to KUIS to fetch Amin the other day his car was parked a few spots away from mine. & he finds me in myspace. Not bad. Haha.

- Currently cramping Public Speaking notes into my head while replying the dozens of cmnts in Myspace & ym-ing with Anas. Hah, check tht wey.

- Anas called me bongok just now. I said, "A'ah, mmg aku bongok, nak wat camne kan," & he thought I touching. But I really meant what I said. Bongok & proud. HOHO.

- Oh, td ade org topupkan I. Sape eh? Whoever yg topupkan rm5 td, thx a lot. However, sry la klu u ade msg tp I xblas, wat2 xde credit kot HAHA. So many guys msg me, I get very the mlas to lyn so I tell them I xde credit. Now I can't use tht excuse b'cuz Idk who reloaded my phone. Pfft.

- Nowadays I get very mellow & start listening to jiwang songs. Bodo ah, jd emo lak aku.

- Tgh sanggap kot. HAHA. I haven't been kissed in like god knows how long, & I'm sure missing being hugged & kissed. However, no one's gonna get their stupid hands on me no matter what, unless I allow them to, which is highly unlikely.

- To Nad: weh, Haikal ajk aku secare personal kot psl yg gi bukak pose kat Alamanda tuuu. Hahaha. Aku dtg la kot. Die suruh aku dtg, die nak blanje aku. Weeeee. :P

- I currently want my Sampoerna. & another shisha session. Full stop.

- Mummy told me to bring Amin back home fer bkk pose one of this days. Oh, & she told me to ajk him stay at our hse if he wants to, like last time. Since papa's gonna be going back to KB. Hahaha. Even mummy's getting sneaky. Idk why, but in a way it looks as if she's trying to get us back together. The other day she asked my why I didn't bother to call him. As usual, I told mummy, "I want him to come to me himself, I don't want to feel as if I terhegeh2 at him." She kept quiet.

- Today something was seriously wrong with me. I was so full of hatred, which is saying something cuz the word 'hate' never usually applies to me. Kept on feeling like crying. But I'm fine now, I suppose. So don't worry Hafiz. (:

- Something's wrong with my phone. I can't take photos! Waaaaaa punye la sakit ati aku. Tht's one of the reasons I'm in a bad mood I suppose. Frh the camwhore without a cam. Doesn't jive, obviously.

- Before I forget. Fer you peeps who want advise on love & relationships go to Arif's blog. He's one of my myspace friends, of to be more exact one of Amin's friends I think. Or his roommate's friend, ntah. He changed his blog into a place where you can get tips on love & stuff. Interesting really, go visit. ;)

- Talking of myspace. More girls are adding me, after seeing their boyfs cmnting me. Haha. Thinking back, I don't care really, as long as y'all don't get messy with me. I understand really, you tend to want to know who your boyf talks to, just in case he doesn't 'curang'. Did tht countless times last time, with Amin. HOHO. Well fyi, don't worry ladies, your boys are safe, b'cuz I'm definitely not interested, no matter how hot or cute he is. Cuz like you girls, my heart is taken. Only don't bitch with me, I'll fucking make sure you choke on your own saliva.

- So this is getting too random. Basically there's nothing to post but I felt like blogging, so yea. Maybe I should stop now.

Wish me luck fer my finals bbys. & gud luck to Utarians, especially TA7, in case I won't see you guys. Gonna miss you guys wey! ):

.Wednesday, September 09, 2009 @ 2:01 PM Y

The following blogpost's fer Hafiz only. Yg lain xyah ngade2 bace, t'masuk BELL.

Pasal smlm. Pasal this morning. Basically everything. Sorry, sorry, & sorry again. Sumpah I sorry sgt2. I knew everything I said would have affected you, but that phrase, sumpah I xsangke u tetibe ley jd camtu psl ayt I.

N'way, to set things straight. Smlm, bukan u yg wat I nangis pun. Br2 ni, I've been like a living time bomb, about to explode at any moment. Maybe last night was one of those moments. Couldn't hold myself back any longer. Btw, thx sbb still lyn I. I sll reluctant nak cite kat u semue ni, psl I ley imagine kot u rase camne. Tp, heh, I ade sape lg skrg ni. It's been months, sgale bende, sgale perasaan I pendam sendiri, xbgtau sesape. Even blogging, hah, that's only a small part of how I really feel. Nad, even die x d'update pun, I don't tell her anything anymore. Then tetibe u dtg, & I fall apart, everything I bgtau u, everything I lpskan kat u, when you should be the last person to listen.

Berbaloi. Ape yg u ckp smlm tu, I t'fkir, klu u rase camtu, agknye b'baloi ke I tunggu kat sini lg, pdhal ape yg I menunggu tu dah lame pergi? Hope? Long gone, it doesn't exist. He won't change his ways & turn back to me. Hrpn pe je yg ade. In my dreams I suppose. Byk bende I sendiri xley explain, its not this & its not that. So camne I nak lpaskan semue kat u kan. I don't even know what I should say, I can't find the words to explain everything. All I can do is cry out loud & keep everything within me. Nak luahkan kat die? Haha. Nak ckp kat u pun susah, jgn nak meluahkan kat die la kan. He won't understand.

Then pg td. Didn't realise that what I said was basically the answer you needed from me. But it's true, I suppose, sad as it is. Now that you mentioned it. I am like a hot glass that can't be touched. I'm nice to see, pleasant to have, but come too close & you'll scale yourself. Same goes to the phrase that I'm like a block of ice that will never melt. Ati I dah tertutup dah pun skrg. No one can steal my heart anymore. I'm scared, I can't find anyone else that I can love anymore, I've lost the person I love the most, & I won't let my heart go through the pain again. So yea. Mayb utk u agk menyakitkan ati la I ckp camni, tp utk I, its all I can do to protect myself. & I have to love myself too only can I love others, right?

Idk what I'm crapping about really. But yea, hopefully u somehow fham la kan. Ntah. I've been pretty lovesick recently, but no one seems to have caught my attention. I've just, completely changed, I'm no longer that girl who could fall fer sweet talk or good looks. Despite changing so much, I still try to find wtvr I need to supposingly change. I feel lonely, I admit. Each day I go through feels empty, even if your around, even if others are around. But I try. I try, you know I do.

Meanwhile, I just went through my 20000+ cmnts in myspace just to look fer the few cmnts from Casper. Pfft. I'm officially going insane. Doomsday's in 2012 huh? Can't wait tht long. I just wanna die right now, my head's too heavy from all this thinking. I feel like doing self-injury, but I just don't have the guts at the moment. I'm trying to get through, but it's hard. I feel like giving up already.

.Tuesday, September 08, 2009 @ 10:39 PM Y

Currently tuning into: D'Masiv - Cinta Ini Membunuhku

Kau hancurkan aku dengan sikap mu,
tak sadarkah kau telah menyakiti ku.
Lelah hati ini meyakinkan mu,
cinta ini, membunuhku.

So. Girls are adding me in myspace just b'cuz their boyfs are going gaga over me. Hah, girls, go control your boyfs, don't come adding me just so you can read my fucking cmnts or something. I try staying away from idiots who already have girlfs, but if you can't help your hubbys then obviously I can't too. Haha. Bodo ah. Tu la, cpl la lg, dpt pe akhirnye? Sakit ati, pning kpale, segale bende ade. Tiap2 ari tido xlene. Tiap2 saat ade je nak kene fkir, nak kene risaukan. For people like me anyways. Do good & all you get back is pain. Who ever said it would do you good to be good?

N'way, if you readers even realised, ever since I became single again I started posting lyrics before I start each post. Wondered why? Fer one, it's the lyrics of the song that I'm currently tuning to, & the lyrics also happen to relate to my feelings & emotions. So yea, who ever said they were just lyrics? Read through them again, klu rajin, & relate it to anything that happened in my life. N'way, since there's not much to post, here's my current fave.

It's about a girl who found out her boyf had another girl behind her back. Then she lets out her frustration on him, who doesn't understand anything, until he sees photos of him with another girl. Then he gets frustrated with himself & starts breaking glass. LOL. In the end the girl commited suicide by drowning herself.

The vid reminds me a lot of what I went through before. In the vid, where the girl crys her heart out; I was there, in her shoes, several times. Of course, I would nvr forget that night where I found out my worst fear had happened. Mummy saw me crying & screaming & tried to set things straight, I'm sure she won't forget. I've nvr cried in front of her, so jgn ckp nangis camtu la kan. Didn't commit suicide, obviously. Crying & not eating fer a couple of days & a few cuts on my wrist, I obviously won't die.

Flashbacks. Who would forget their painful moments really.

These two videos, made me cry. Agnes Monica has the best voice evurrr.

Meanwhile, just got off the phone with Hafiz. Started crying yet again. This is the second time in this short period of time. Pfft. Still waiting. Fer what, heck knows. Bodo gak kan aku ni. Bgos la. I keep on wondering when all of this will finally end. Or start back, in a good way. Lord help me. My soul feels tortured.

Tertutup sudah pintu, pintu hati ku,
yang pernah dibuka waktu hanya untuk mu.
Kini kau pergi dari hidup ku,
ku harus relakan mu,
walau aku tak mau.

Dengarlah matahari ku, suara tangisan ku,
ku bersedih,
kar’na panah cinta menusuk jantung ku.
Ucapkan matahari ku,
puisi tentang hidup ku, tentang ku,
yang tak mampu, menaklukkan waktu.

.Sunday, September 06, 2009 @ 11:42 PM Y

Currently tuning into: Boys Like Girls - Thunder

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer,
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said,
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors,
I dont wanna ever love another,
You'll always be my thunder,
So bring on the rain,
And bring on the thunder.

So. Today I'm officially 2 months single. Well, in a way. Proud? Hah, you think? It's nothing but a status, & there's not much difference that I can feel really. So within the past 2 months I've done quite a lot really, leading myself back into the single world, where it is kinda scary I'd have to admit.

You meet all sorts of guys nowadays, it's kinda scary. From nice guys who just wanna chat to guys who just want sex. From guys who know how to look after their girlfs to guys who treat their girlfs like standbys.

But despite all that, I'm happy. I'm learning how to grow up. Each day, I go through with my own strength that I can muster. I grow stronger each day, facing each moment just like it was any other. I'm trying to step out of that helpless, immature girl you once knew, trying to be more positive, to make lemonade out of lemons. Life has its many surprises, so I'll just wait fer the next one to come.

It's hard, but I'm doing so much fine now. Having you, was the best thing that ever happened to me, really. No one understands, why I spend each waking moment talking about you, knowing that you're no longer around. Why I still wait around, when honestly speaking, there are so many others out there that are better than you. But only I know, b'cuz my heart, lost as it is, it's still with you. & I don't want it back. Rawrrrr. Idk what the hell I'm crapping about, but n'ways.

Heyyy, I miss youuuuu. & p/s,

I still love you Casper my bongok. Hoho.

& I don't care at all what everyone else wants to say, b'cuz they don't know how much I love you, & how long I'd dare to wait, be it months or even years. They may see Farah Alia as someone who's currently incredibly love drunk, but I know better. I'm not wasting my time, I know that fer sure. There must be a reason why I always end up back to you.

As quoted from Paris Hilton in the movie Hottie & The Nottie;

You'll never see the bad sides in the person you truly love the most.


Oh. Happy b'day in advance to Faliq, Amin, & Bhairavi! Amin's b'day's on the 8th, & the other 2 on the 9th. 090909, dam nice weh! Haha.

Bhai, no celebrations? Come back to Subang will ya, miss ya loads!

Amin & Faliq, rindu kat korg ouh. Frh xblik KB raye ni. ):
Xpe2, jumpe mase Raye Haji abg2 t'syg kuh! Haha. <33

.Saturday, September 05, 2009 @ 12:01 AM Y

Currently tuning into: Papa Roach - Scars

I can't help you fix yourself,
But at least I can say I tried,
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life.

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut,
My weakness is that I care too much,
And our scars remind us that the past is real,
I tear my heart open just to feel.

Hafiz came to KL yesterday. As I've nvr mentioned, he's originally from Kuantan, but studying in UiTM Terengganu. Oh, he came all the way here just to hangout with me. Awwww terperasan sekjp HAHAHA. (:

Told him to come my house lpak. Came with his friend, Amir at around 6. Mummy thought this was some new boyf of mine but I said no. Hoho. Lpaked & watched tv till buka puase, then decided to go out fer dinner, since there wasn't much to eat at home. Went to get Bell & Nad, then headed to Carlos.

Oh ohhh. Finally broke my shisha virginity. Weeeee. Haha. & I broke my resolution fer puasa month, & smoked again, curtesy of Bell's Sampoerna. Wtf. Bottom line? Had a whole lot of fun. Thx Hafiz & Amir. Especially to Hafiz. Nasib baik dpt lpak kan? Ntah ble dpt jumpe you lg lps nih. (;

Random pics from today & yesterday.

Yesterday. Yes, I'm fat, I don't care any longer, so stfu.

Ramanan. I like to randomly hug ppl, so what?


Hafiz. (:

Shishaaaa. Apple & strawberry. ;D

Bell & Amir.

Nad tooo. ;)
Hafiz menyibuk haha.

I need to get started with studying, seriously.

.Wednesday, September 02, 2009 @ 10:27 AM Y

Currently tuning into: Paula Deanda - Walk Away

I can't forget how we used to be,
Our life from day to day,
Hoping maybe you'll come back,
And though I tell myself not to be afraid,
To move on but it seems I can't,
Though a new man has given me attention,
It ain't the same as your affection,
Though I know I should be content,
In the back of my mind,
I can't help but question.

I can't explain this feeling,
I think about it everyday,
And even though we've moved on,
It gets so hard to walk away.

So. Last night was on the phone with Hafiz, & started talking yet again about Amin. How I was worried about him having his finals these few weeks, our constant fighting everytime we contact each other, how I still love him. About everything basically. & before I could stop myself I started crying.

Its been more than a month since I've cried my heart out like that really. Wanted to really scream & let it all out, but refrained myself; I was, after all, still on the phone with Hafiz. & to cry out to him like that, it just wasn't me. I don't cry out to anyone just like that. Guess I held everything in fer too long. I haven't let out my feelings & emotions to anyone in quite a while. Kept everything inside, not sharing anything with anyone, until I met Hafiz that is. Even wtvr I blog, is not even a quarter of it. He told me to let everything out, but despite feeling like I have so much to say I couldn't really say anything.

I've been worried about everything really, nowadays. Amin's finals, my finals, just anything that needs worrying about, everything's in my head. It's stressing me out really, but I can't help myself.

Oh. Study break's nx week. & my finals start on next Friday itself. Public Speaking. Getting quite nervous & tensed up atm, there's just so much to read up & memorize. 6 subs within one week? Not to forget the fact tht there's 13 topics per sub, excluding Maths, which only has 6. But hey, it's freaking Business Maths. 6 topics is like friggin 60. Pfft. & my accs. Gahness. I only managed to get 25% out of 40% fer my Accs coursework(assignments & mid-term), & that's no laughing matter. I'm gonna have to really struggle to the max to even pass, so don't even talk about getting an A. Nak dpt pointer 3.0-3.5? Dlm mimpi la kot. Sheesh.

This loneliness? Nvr felt anything like it.


.Farah Alia.
Growing up, lost in her ups & downs, desperately trying to find the real meaning of life. With only 18 yrs of experience in life, its a journey. With memories that can nvr be forgotten.


Family. <33
The best family ever. To mummy & papa; Bringing me into this world, raising me up & protecting me, you're the only ones that I know who would never abandon me. You taught me the importance of loving a family, to take care of others, to value life & live as a good person. Even if once I didn't understand why & thought tht you were a nuisance to me, as I grow older I started to know why, & try my best to appreciate it. Of course, growing up, as Mummy puts it, I nvr know how high the sky is or how deep the ground is, in other words, I don't know my limits, but one thing's fer sure, I'll nvr forget how important family really is. Words of wisdom, I live to the fullest each day. I love you all.

Friends. <33
All sorts. Close, best, good, or just friends. All around, to laugh with, to share with, to be together with. Besties like Nad, supportive when they can be, there to cheer you up when you're down, we need people like that in our lives. I'm grateful to have friends like y'all, to share the fun I experience with. To just talk, or chill, or hangout. A part of your life that is always a must fer everyone. I love y'all. (:


Mell Joy Hilman
Liyana Sharia


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