.Sunday, August 16, 2009 @ 1:28 PM Y
.silence.
Currently tuning into: Britney Spears - Out From Under
All the things that never were,
Maybe I can live without,
When I'm out from under,
I don't wanna feel the pain,
What good would it do me now,
I'll get it all figured out,
When I'm out from under.
And part of me still believes,
When you ay you're gonna stick around,
And part of me still believes,
We can find a way to work it out,
But I know that we tried everything we could try,
So let's just say goodbye,
Forever.
Last week John said I should watch Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past; I would like the movie alot. Well, he sure was right, I loved it! Bought the DVD fer only God knows how long & finally had the time watch it.
Basically it's about this playboy who makes the prettiest girls fall in love with him, & just as they start to fall in love with him he dumps then. He's nvr serious when it comes to girls, & all he can think about is of casual sex. Then one day he is visited by three ghosts, that bring him back to his past, his present, & his future, where he feels feelings that he had long forgotten that he had.
I cried during some parts in the movie. A lot of situations tht Jennifer Garner was in in the movie were very similar to mine. Boys, especially those who love to have many girlfs should definitely watch it, & learn something fer once, b'cuz boys will never understand.
He'll never understand the happiness a girl has, when they lie next to each other in bed, doing nothing but having him hold her in his arms all night long, laughing when he made jokes, teasing each other, trying to silence each other at the same time, in fears of getting caught. He'll nvr imagine how grateful she feels, being able to sleep with him, no longer needing to dream of him, just b'cuz he's already there.
No one could imagine, how exciting it was, knowing fer the fact that he won't be going anywhere fer the night, but he'll be right beside me, making me laugh, putting me to sleep. How he will be right there the moment I open my eyes, how I don't have to miss him at that moment, just b'cuz he's right there in front of me, sleeping like a baby.
Yet, he'll never, ever understand the pain that I feel, at the same time, knowing that no matter how happy this girl is at that moment, she can't escape the fact that, this boy she loves so much has others out there, others that share what she has too, knowing that she may not be the only person on his mind. He'll nvr understand the million emotions I have running through my head, despite laughing, despite being happy just lying in his arms. He won't even understand the simple feeling of pain of having to leave him alone when I have to go to university, so how can he even understand the pain that is so much more extreme than tht?
B'cuz killers will nvr feel the pain of the victims they kill, the rich don't feel the suffering of the poor, the ones with everything will never feel the emptiness of the ones who have nothing. He'll never feel the hurt he caused me, the hurt I still feel, the hurt that I would still feel in the years to come. No one will understand what I feel, unless they stand in my shoes, & experience what I did. The pain he thinks he feels, in hurting me, is nothing, nothing at all to what I still feel.
I don't want to be the top of all the others, I want to be the only one, just like he was in my life, right until this very second, eventhough we're no longer together. I don't want to be the girl on standby, I want to be the girl whos there 24/7, to support, to share, to love. Is it so hard to ask fer someone like that? By the looks of it, it sure is nowadays. Especially when guys like him don't solve their problems on the spot, but run away from it & pretend that the problem doesn't exist anymore.
Why is it so hard to move on? I feel so stuck, so lonely, nothing seems right, no matter how hard I try. I just want to be my normal self, I'm sick of being heartbroken over some stupid boy. It's not fair, it never is. B'cuz I'm no longer myself. I'm not longer that happy-go-lucky girl everyone thought they knew. I trust no one, not even myself. I hope your happiness now was worth it, damaging every single bit of me, now that you're gone.
Meanwhile, some guy asked me to be his scandal. & he has a girlf. Xkene sound kaw2 ngan aku lak kan. Ungrateful bastards. The girl you truly call your girl loves you, why do all that behind her? Come to think of it, not only boys are like that, most girls are like that too. People like that should just be done with, should just burn in hell.
