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.Wednesday, July 08, 2009 @ 6:30 PM Y

Currently tuning into: Secondhand Serenade - Like A Knife

Cause today, you walked out of my life
Cause today, your words felt like a knife
I'm not living this life.

So. After yesterday's most unexpected event, fer me n'way, a lot has been running through my mind. Yesterday's break-up blew me in the head, though basically, I would admit somehow I came up with it, though. I had expected it to be as always, where it never does happen. Who would have known though. No wait, it was already bound to happen really.

Didn't realize that what I told him was actually true. Yesterday, I told him that these past few weeks we didn't even seem like a couple anymore. That I felt like my boyf was non-existent. Going through today, I realized just how true my words were. Today, the first day after breaking up, was just the same as how the past weeks had been. A few texts in the morning, & tht's it. Well, last time there would be calls & a few more msgs at night, but not anymore now.

Breaking up sucks. Thinking back, I've never actually had a proper break up. Basically I've always been doing the breaking up part previously, but I had no feelings for most of them, so I didn't really feel much. Couldn't stop crying yesterday. Got back from uni & tried to stay cool, but didn't stop me from going through an hour of non-stop tears. Cooled down slightly again after that, well, that is, until my aunt called mum & asked her if I had really broken up. Just based on my FB status that wrote "it's over". Pfft. It's amazing how she could have figured it out; 'it's over' could basically mean anything. After that, couldn't help myself.

It sunk in deeper, the fact that it had really happened, causing me to cry all night. Eventually for some reason I browsed our photos that I had in my phone. Under normal circumstances that would be the last thing a person who just broke up would want to do, tp ntah, I just did it. Weirdly, looking at those photos calmed me down a little. In fact, looking at photos of his silly face made me laugh through my tears. & I thought on how he would make me cry & then laugh when I cry, before comforting me. Started laughing again. Pfft. After that settled down a little & fell asleep, holding the teddy bear he gave me.

He said it was just for a while, till we both sorted ourselves out & we're ready to get back again. There isn't much fer me to sort out really, so all I have to do is wait. Wait for what? That I do not know at all.

7th May 2009. Exactly 2 months ago we almost ended up breaking up, but it didn't work out, fortunately. Did a whole lot of mental thinking today, & realised that it's a wonder we actually survived an additional 2 months, after what had happened. At least now we're still talking. If I had broken up that 2 months ago the hurt would have been worse, & that would truly have been the very last time I would actually be in touch with him. Guess it's time up isn't it? After all, all good things do come to an end.

Amazingly, I'm feeling fine. Not saying that I don't care, I'm dead wishing it nvr happened, but I'm better than I thought I would. Guess that there was already a gap between us throughout this past few weeks. Still feel like crying really, it's somehow hard, but thinking of it, he's still around, & I love him, & that's basically all that matters the most.

Despite what others have to say, I'll still wait. Maybe this break from our relationship would do us both some good. I hope it won't last too long though, knowing how impatient I am. Lolololol. I love him, no matter what others have to say about him. He may have certain bad habits & stuff, but he's the only guy that actually knows how to respect me, as a friend, as a girlfriend. Nad's right, I've been through worse with him, what's this really. & if we don't get back together, well, that's just life ain't it.

Unless one day I decide to not love him anymore, there will not be a moment where I would not be thinking of him.


.Farah Alia.
Growing up, lost in her ups & downs, desperately trying to find the real meaning of life. With only 18 yrs of experience in life, its a journey. With memories that can nvr be forgotten.


Family. <33
The best family ever. To mummy & papa; Bringing me into this world, raising me up & protecting me, you're the only ones that I know who would never abandon me. You taught me the importance of loving a family, to take care of others, to value life & live as a good person. Even if once I didn't understand why & thought tht you were a nuisance to me, as I grow older I started to know why, & try my best to appreciate it. Of course, growing up, as Mummy puts it, I nvr know how high the sky is or how deep the ground is, in other words, I don't know my limits, but one thing's fer sure, I'll nvr forget how important family really is. Words of wisdom, I live to the fullest each day. I love you all.

Friends. <33
All sorts. Close, best, good, or just friends. All around, to laugh with, to share with, to be together with. Besties like Nad, supportive when they can be, there to cheer you up when you're down, we need people like that in our lives. I'm grateful to have friends like y'all, to share the fun I experience with. To just talk, or chill, or hangout. A part of your life that is always a must fer everyone. I love y'all. (:


Mell Joy Hilman
Liyana Sharia


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