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.Saturday, July 11, 2009 @ 12:07 AM Y

Currently tuning into: Hey Monday - Candles

Blow the candles out,
Looks like a solo tonight,
I’m beginning to see the light,
Blow the candles out,
Looks like a solo tonight,
But I think I’ll be alright.

My fave song. This very song makes me cry nowadays. Cassadee sure has an awesome voice.

Thinking back, I've got one fact confirmed. If I happen to be in a relationship, every four months something bad actually happens. In previous relationships, I've ended up dumping them in our fourth month. When I was with Amin, we fought during our fourth month, where we didn't speak fer a few days. & well, now, another four months later, this. Gah. another reason why Farah Alia shouldn't be in a relationship. I'm jinxed aren't I. I bet if I made a list on why I shouldn't be in a relationship I could probably list down a hundred.

To make matters worse, I made my whole room smell like Amin. Should have bought SKL instead of Sampoerna. Xke bongok aku nih. But I'm already risking my butt off, so what the heck. Yea, I started back my old, very unhealthy habit.

N'way. It's sickening isn't it, to you ppl, every single post I have nowadays are about him. I still can't seem to accept the fact. I sleep at night holding his teddy bear, hugging it tightly. & the most confusing & perhaps craziest thing is, eventhough it's over, I still feel him around. Wtf I sound like he's already dead LOL. But yea. That teddy bear's the only thing that I really appreciate now. These past few nights before I fall asleep I'll hug it tightly, & fer some weird reason, feel this strange warmth around me, as if someone's hugging me. I could almost hear him breathing, as if he's sleeping beside me like those days. It's a huge comfort really, but well, once you wake up & think of reality, you can only call yourself downright mad & feel extremely disappointed.

Thinking it through, I don't even know what am I waiting for right now. He probably has a new girlf right now, & doesn't give a shit about me. Or is back with some ex of his, or some girl at college. & probably doesn't even remember my existence. & what am I doing here, stupidly waiting, for something that obviously won't happen. Thinking of that statement, of how he said this was only temporary, that once we were both ready we could start over, it struck me hard that it won't happen, that it was just another empty promise.

He promised that he'll never leave me, he sworn he didn't want to lose me, he claimed that I was everything to him, yet here I am, the abandoned sheep. Boys, that's all they do isn't it. Make all those stupid promises, but in the end, break every single word. I'm stupid to think he was any better than any other guy that played me. Though he was slightly better in ways. & to think we went as far as think about marriage. I always knew tht was a step too far, though I have to admit, I was hoping, honestly, tht he would be the last person I'll be with, tht my days of being single would be finally over. Too early to say tht I guess, I'm only 18after all.

If we really get back together.All those 'ifs' huh. I'm dead positive now that it won't happen. We'll never get back together, he'll never come back; it's just life isn't it. I can be easily replaced, as how he can be easily replaced too, though I won't ever let tht happen. & to be straight, we're not even talking anymore, so what chances are there.

Maybe it's time I moved on. & take the next few years healing myself from the heartache & pain that I feel right now. I don't need any other guy in my life anymore. I can't stand anymore pain like this, a double dose was enough for me to bear. I guess he's nothing but a mere memory to me now, & it's something I'll have to accept, eventually.


.Farah Alia.
Growing up, lost in her ups & downs, desperately trying to find the real meaning of life. With only 18 yrs of experience in life, its a journey. With memories that can nvr be forgotten.


Family. <33
The best family ever. To mummy & papa; Bringing me into this world, raising me up & protecting me, you're the only ones that I know who would never abandon me. You taught me the importance of loving a family, to take care of others, to value life & live as a good person. Even if once I didn't understand why & thought tht you were a nuisance to me, as I grow older I started to know why, & try my best to appreciate it. Of course, growing up, as Mummy puts it, I nvr know how high the sky is or how deep the ground is, in other words, I don't know my limits, but one thing's fer sure, I'll nvr forget how important family really is. Words of wisdom, I live to the fullest each day. I love you all.

Friends. <33
All sorts. Close, best, good, or just friends. All around, to laugh with, to share with, to be together with. Besties like Nad, supportive when they can be, there to cheer you up when you're down, we need people like that in our lives. I'm grateful to have friends like y'all, to share the fun I experience with. To just talk, or chill, or hangout. A part of your life that is always a must fer everyone. I love y'all. (:


Mell Joy Hilman
Liyana Sharia


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