.Saturday, July 18, 2009 @ 10:39 PM Y
.silence.
Currently tuning into: Basshunter - I Miss You
I just wanna be right here with you,
I don't wanna see, see us apart,
I just wanna tell you straight from my heart,
I miss you.
Watched Titanic just now, since Astro has a knack of repeatingly showing it all the time. Watched the ending actually. Cried like noone's business, like tht night I was crying fer hours, when eventually Amin called me to put me to sleep. Haha. & mummy was like "you crying ar Farah? Seriously, don't be so sentimental like me, it's bad," HAHA wtff. I love mummy, she's been my best friend lately, & fer always. <33
Meanwhile, my plan of going out last night xm'jd. Thanks to some 'good' friend of mine. Long story cut short, Bell called me up last night, ajk me lpak, then I told her I xjd go out, since Nad told me she couldn't go out. However, she told me that Nad was right beside her, causing me to go like, wtf. Nevermind then, wtvr really, not like I'm not used to getting tht sort of shit really.
After tht phone call, couldn't sleep, was really pissed; first you come perli me, cuz yea, I know, you're all that la kan, & then you give me all sorts of excuses of not being able to go out, untill finally, you just so happen to be out with your 'boyf', when basically, from what I know, your parents would rather let you out with me than with him, & tht you would never be able to go out, especially at 2am in the morning. How unethical (public speaking wtf).
Got pissed, like damn pissed, cause I was really looking forward to last night all week. I needed a break from university life & reality, & to hang out with friends & stuff, especially after breaking up with Amin. Could have gone out alone, planned to go MOS, but mlas, cuz by the time I got back from uni & Giant with mummy it was almost nine. N'way, got so frustrated, I sent texts to both Nad & Amin, saying thanks to them fer being my only loved ones, & the very ppl who just love breaking my heart. Only God knows why I even brought Amin up in the first place. Well, in frustration people do weird weird things don't they. Heh. So Amin called, & was like, wtf, & started ranting on about how he needed time to sort himself out & stuff, till I stopped him. Apparently he thought it was about our break up. He asked me what was wrong, & I kept quiet, until finally I told him what happened. Suddenly after me storying everything he was like "Jap2, nnt I call you back," & I had the weird feeling that he called Nad, to asked what happened or something. Well, I didn't know tht things were bound to get nasty.
Bottom line, Amin called Nad, asking her to forward my msgs & stuff, then, well, he started calling Bell & her names & go maki2, eventhough basically, Bell wasn't even involved. I don't really know the full story actually, hearing it from both sides, anything could have happened kan? After hearing from Bell about what apparently happened, Amin called.
Asked him what happened, & why the hell he had to go & call ppl & sound2 them. After all, I admit, I did know exactly how he sound ppl, it's not the type you'd actually like, though personally I xprnh kene. Hoho. He was wrong there of course, really, who was he to go maki2 ppl like tht, it wasn't even his problem in the first place. He said that he told Nad to forward our text conversations to find out what happened, & then scolded Nad, etc. Don't get me wrong, he had a point, though his actions were still unacceptable. Swear to God, tht was not what I expected to happen. He got so angry, well, even I fell silent.
He told me about my own msg to Nad, something about me going to Bangi to fetch him. Gosh, he wasn't supposed to know tht wey! Haha. When he said that yea, he knew what I meant, he was my boyf after all, why wouldn't I go all the way fer him, I was madly blushing from head to toe Tht wasn't something he was supposed to know!! Pfft.
Then, in all the hastle & confusion he suddenly started talking about how he still loved me & didn't want to break up, but needed time, that that was one of the reasons he didn't want to leave me, cuz he knew that I'll always kene bully & he wanted to be there to protect me or some sort like that (Mr Chu! HAHAHA). Wtf. Cam I ni budak kecik lg plak you ni. Not really sure what he was saying really, dah ckup confuse kot, suddenly come out about us. Sheesh.
Was abit taken aback, he's never really said much about our breakup, in fact, he's nvr mentioned anything about it to me. Seemed to me as if he was taking opportunity of the situation to say all this, by the way he was saying it, in this rushed tone. We hadn't call or text each other in quite a while. Haha lololol. Kinda impressed though, he never does talk or discuss with me about our probs, tht was kinda like a 1st. Good good. If he can improve in discussing matters with me, & drop the scandaling & stuff he'll make the perfect boyf. HOHO. Not expecting him to change in a day, obviously.
After all this, one thing's fer sure, I understand more about life. Eventhough breaking up with Amin was hard, I learnt a lot about love, & life. Despite how hard it was, I let him go, & brought myself back up. I mean, hey, it's week two already, & I'm not lying under the covers crying & hating everyone any longer am I? Heh. I brought myself back up b'cuz of him. He didn't want me sad, though he knew I didn't want this just as he didn't want it either. He was the one to comfort me after a whole a night of crying. He's not physically here, we barely talk anymore, but hey, he's still with me, in my heart. Jauh di mata dkat di hati right? Lbih kurang camtu la ayat. LOL. You know, like in Titanic, where Jack makes Rose promise tht she'll survive, & live up to an old age with lots of children & grandchildren, & die peacefully in her bed, where she did, & reunited with him in heaven. Awwww. *tears up* Jiwang lak aiyooo haha.
I don't care what people have to say, nak indirect perli ke ape kan. Kesah bai. Korg rase bahagia sgt la, perfect la sgt kan, kesah, I have a better quality of life than you ppl really, I can be even more successful in life than you ppl, so fuck off. I've had a lot of ppl rubbing salt into my already deep wounds, & I know when enough is enough. As I've learnt now, I know what priorities I should have in life, & it's not only about boyfs. Tht's only part of it. Life, can be very unexpecting. Anything happens. Like what I read from this political blog called Might Of The Pen, it's not about how a certain situation makes you feel or what it makes you do, its about how you react to the situation. Life is not difficult, it's an easy journey really, only we people tend to make it feel difficult.
Like mum says, life is NOT a bed of roses. Nothing good will last forever, & well, the best times only happen once, & even if they happen again, they won't be as nice & memorable as the first time. Was discussing tht topic with mummy just now. Haha. Amin, is definitely the first fer me in every single thing. There's a lot more in life, like friends fer instance. There are all sorts of ppl in this world, manipulative ones, those tht befriend you for a certain purpose in their own goods, demanding ones, good ones, temporary ones, well, bottom line, many more. I've yet to learn the meaning of true friendship really, there's not one person I can genuinely say is a true friend, apart from RossJoan of course, though unfortunately we're no longer able to keep in touch. Only one best friend though, & tht's my mum. She's the best, in everything, & no one can be better than her, in any way. N'way, enough about life really, everyone experiences their life differently.
I've had random guys asking me to be their girlf today. Haha wtf. Mentang2 single la kan. Seriously, I don't even know these guys wey! They just randomly buzz me in ym/msn & start chatting, eventually until they ask whether I'm single or taken & I'll say single. & then they'll wanna 'msuk line' or 'isi borang' or just mintak couple trus. Haha lamee. Wtvr it is, my status shall remain single & unavailable fer now thank you, until I get back with Amin. & if tht doesn't happen, well, I'll remain unavailable until I'm ready to find another, which I'm sure will be in a looong time.
Me, Jo-lyn, & Khe Li. Secretly caught by Pei Yin. Pfft.
I don't even know when is this wey. I look so blur haha.
=.=
Oh ohhh. Amin texted just now. Melompat-lompat hati HAHA. Who cares if they hate you really, I love you la sayang, tht's what's important. ;)
This ain't the end, as Zac Efron & Vanessa Hudgens put it, it's the start of something new.
