.Thursday, June 11, 2009 @ 5:15 PM Y
.silence.
Currently tuning into: The Veronicas Ft Tania Doko - Don't Say Goodbye
Drove to U today. Yeap, got my licence done yesterday. Gosh, driving with mummy beside me, I felt like crying, full stop. Having her scream & shout at every chance she got definitely wasn't helping with the panicking I was already feeling. Arrived at UTAR safely though. Wtf.
Finally, after waiting so long.
Frh's 'cheerful face', before she gets screwed up by mummy. Pfft.
Yea, college's fun atm I guess. But the pressure's about to start soon, assignments are being given out right now. Pfft. Breaks are fun though. Us 2 girls, Jolyn & I, & the other guys, Nicolas, Prajiv, Teck Wang, Kwan Hyen & Chun How(sry if I missed any of your names,) spend every break together & sit together in classes. Could call the bunch of us sengal really. Haha. But when it comes to studying, fuh, power suda semue. Except for me la HAHA. Had accs today, Teck Wang became my personal tutor. He's awesome in accs, & I'm starting to love the sub. Maths was okay today, maybe it was b'cuz of the fact tht I actually managed to get 9hrs of sleep last night. Lol.
My official student ID. Everyone had to wear a white blouse/shirt & black blazer. Ngeh.
Oh, the boyf may be going to Kuantan to continue his studies. At Shah Putra, the very place tht girl is. Thinking of him going so far away is already enough to kill me, without the fact of knowing tht she's there too. I mean, well yea, I'm happy tht he wants to continue his studies, at least he could take this chance to make up fer his terrible SPM results which almost gave me a heart attack. Pfft. But, gah. In fact, I was so relieved when he told me he was going to tht college in Bangi; at least he'll be nearer. Well, tht is, until he switched plans. Gosh I feel so selfish. It's fer the best, & I'm bitching.
I made a mental decision to myself, to end our relationship if he really does go to Kuantan. I can't stand facing the worrying feelings & doubts tht even now I'm already feeling. Call me selfish, but I can't stand it anymore. After what happened tht time, I'm already so darn insecure. In fact, I feel so insecure & sensitive every darn second of the day, no matter if he's there or not. Well, let's face reality really, if he does go far away we most probably won't last long anyways. Dok dkat pun dah ley camtu, pe lg jauh2 kan, lg xjd pe la. But, easy to say, hard to do, as always ain't it. I love him so much, you suppose I'd let go tht easily? Hey, don't underestimate me right now.
Something about tht day, a month ago, it killed a part of me. It's like having a virus attack a particular part of me, so tht it can no longer be cured. Every single day now, since tht terrible event, I stay like this, seemingly fine & content on the outside, but numb & still somewhat hurt on the inside. Hah. I wonder how long am I gonna be like this. Process of curing? Bound to take a long while I guess. No words can explain my situation right now, none at all.
Let's put it this way. If you ever see me sitting down quietly, perhaps staring into space or if I'm just not saying a word, you should know the fact tht there's definitely something on my mind. I'm always like that. & mind you, tht happens very frequently nowadays.
Search deep within me.
