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.Saturday, May 23, 2009 @ 3:04 AM Y

Currently tuning into: Paramore - Here We Go Again

Some Random Facts About Farah Alia.

- I can be very patient in situations but at the same time I tend to complain about it a whole darn lot.

- If you know me very well, you'd realise that I rarely smile. I laugh a lot, but if you observe me closely, you'll realise that I don't really smile much.

- I usually let my thoughts overshadow me; tht's why I end up feeling so fucked up at times. But the happy thoughts & memories are the ones that keep me sane.

- I worry too much about so many things. B'cuz of that, life tends to be more of a sad case fer me than a happy one.

- I don't cry easily. I only cry when I really can't stand things anymore or if I've kept enough inside of me.

- It takes a whole lot for me to start crying in front of someone, no matter how close a person can be; that includes my family. So if you ever hear or see me crying, you'd know that I've been pushed over the limit.

- When I'm bored, or fed up, or sick with life, I start camwhoring. I wrap up all my emotions & throw them into the picture.

- When I've had enough pain emotionally/mentally, I tend to do self injury; not b'cuz I want to kill or harm myself, but only b'cuz physical pain is much more easier to handle than emotional pain.

- I can give very good advise, but when it comes to my own problems, I tend to do the opposite of what I advise others.

- I get all worked up when I see a girl way prettier than me, I feel sick when I see sweet couples around, I feel crappy when others have so much money to spend. Bottom line, I get jealous very, very easily.

- I always feel very insecure. So insecure that at times I get too immature.

- I prefer to be controlled in a relationship. Not entirely controlled in every single thing of course. Fer example, I prefer the boyf to tell me to not text other guys, or not do certain things, or go certain places (only if what he's disallowing me to do makes sense of course.) It makes me feel more secure; makes me feel like that person really does care about me, & doesn't want to lose me. However, I'll expect him to not do the same things too.

- I hate it when guys cheat(who doesn't really). I hate it when the person I love goes behind my back or goes looking fer other girls; it makes me feel as if I'm 100% unperfect & that there's nothing good about me at all. Another reason to why I'd feel insecure. I prefer him to be committed to only me; I want him to be only mine & noone else's, just as I am only his.

- Listening to music is my all-time passion. No matter where I am, what mood I am in, music soothes & calms me to the core. In other words, music = best friend. <33

- I don't really have friends. I may have many online friends, but when it comes to hanging out & stuff, I don't really have any. Perhaps its the fact that I'm not really that socialized.

- B'cuz of the fact that I don't have many close friends, I seem to feel like I only have my boyf left. Without him, I'll feel alone.

- I really wanna learn how to play the guitar. & sing to myself whenever I'm bored or down. Yet I've never actually gotten myself to buy a guitar & practice.

- After many experiences, I've come to realise that the people I usually love the most are the ones I usually have no feelings for at the beginning. Or maybe I just don't realise that the feelings were already there.

- I don't appreciate compliments. No matter how nice it sounds when someone says you're cute or pretty or summat, I feel that it's not neccessary, cuz let's face reality: I'm not all that. Call me dumb, but anyway.

- I could be a very wild person, just under tight control. Under normal circumstances I would be the average girl that would go clubbing every night, wearing the sexiest clothes & drinking & smoking her ass off. & perhaps the one that would go out & most probably not come back home fer a few days. However, with a loving family & boyf, I've been kept under control. & b'cuz of that, I now have my own ability to control myself & not go over the edge.

- I yearn to be loved. So desperately that feeling unloved makes me feel as if there's no use living any longer. Well, only if I happen to love that person back too.

- I hate hurting others. I rather hurt my own self than others. If I unintentionally hurt others I always try my best to set things right, even if my actions may hurt that person even more at first.

- I don't like giving up. I refuse to be second best, especially when I'm initially first, & I'd do anything to get back my spot. (Funny how I don't seem to apply that in studies.)

- I forgive, very easily. But I never ever forget. I'll make sure that there is revenge, even if it doesn't come from me. I may be nice, but once I start to be mean, I can be deadly. That's why I stick to the quote, that what goes around must come back around.

- I can be very selfish. I don't like sharing, no matter in what situation. I may share once in a while, but very seldom. So imagine how fucked up I felt when I had to share my boyf. It's not easy for a selfish person to start sharing.

- Some people don't see me as Chinese, they actually end up thinking that I'm Japanese. Haha.

- My one & only wish fer my whole lifetime: to go back to London, just once more. Fer holiday, or to study, anything basically, as long as I get to go there once again. I wanna go back to my birthplace & visit the places I used to visit when I was young. Highbury Park, London Zoo, Chessington's, every single damn place. & I wanna meet Rj, Aunt Marie, Uncle June, & Felipe. I miss them so much, they were like my second family when I was growing up in London. I also wanna find my old schoolmates, though they may not remember me anymore.

- My main focus on life is always love. In my opinion, without love you can never be whole. Why, with our parent's love are we even existing right now. That's why, I seek love, welcome love, & appreciate & cherish love. I want to explore the depths & meanings of love, to know about life much more.

- I do believe in God, although I may not practice the practices I'm required to do as a Muslim. I am aware of the powers that He has, & the signs he leaves around to help you, no matter in what situation.

A few random facts. Did it during these past few days. Haha. I'll add more when I get some in my head. Lol.

Oh, read my previous blogposts just now, since I cpl with Casper. The funniest part was how I wrote this random blogpost about him, not knowing that in 5 days time he would be my boyf. Another funny part was where I was telling my readers why I was single fer 5months, not knowing that in days I'd be having the most unexpected person as my boyf.

Amusing really, how I was so in love (course I still am,), how scared I got when we got into a random fight over basically nothing, how I posted my thoughts on how much I feared losing him. Weird really, how my worst fears came true. Scary thinking that while I was posting some of those blogposts, there were really things going on behind my back, in reality. God, if life is like this, I'm don't want to live. It's too scary to face. I swear to God, life is so sooo scary, it's like attempting to jump off a very high cliff when you don't want to die yet. :|

If y'all feel like it, & y'all really have nothing to do, maybe you might wanna check out my blogposts since October 2008, right until now. Hahaha. I know I had fun reading it. Maybe cuz it's obviously about my own life la wtf. It may be a nuisance seeing me post about Casper like in every single post, but trust me, being in my place, you'd find a whole lot of emotions reading them back in the future. N'way, links to my previous blogposts are on the right, if you haven't noticed by now. -->>



.Farah Alia.
Growing up, lost in her ups & downs, desperately trying to find the real meaning of life. With only 18 yrs of experience in life, its a journey. With memories that can nvr be forgotten.


Family. <33
The best family ever. To mummy & papa; Bringing me into this world, raising me up & protecting me, you're the only ones that I know who would never abandon me. You taught me the importance of loving a family, to take care of others, to value life & live as a good person. Even if once I didn't understand why & thought tht you were a nuisance to me, as I grow older I started to know why, & try my best to appreciate it. Of course, growing up, as Mummy puts it, I nvr know how high the sky is or how deep the ground is, in other words, I don't know my limits, but one thing's fer sure, I'll nvr forget how important family really is. Words of wisdom, I live to the fullest each day. I love you all.

Friends. <33
All sorts. Close, best, good, or just friends. All around, to laugh with, to share with, to be together with. Besties like Nad, supportive when they can be, there to cheer you up when you're down, we need people like that in our lives. I'm grateful to have friends like y'all, to share the fun I experience with. To just talk, or chill, or hangout. A part of your life that is always a must fer everyone. I love y'all. (:


Mell Joy Hilman
Liyana Sharia


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