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.Saturday, May 02, 2009 @ 1:28 AM Y

Currently tuning into: The Offspring - Kristy Are You Doing Okay

29th April 2009.

Syg came today, wanted to bring me to another softball match, this time though, he was playing instead of coaching. But due to shortage of players the game was cancelled. Pfft. N'way, at night went back to his house, to hang out with his family, as usual.

So, after a few events which I shall not post here & a whole day of me bottling up my emotions, I started shouting at him otw home. Don't even ask, up until now I'm still fucking pissed at what he did, despite the explanations & stuff, & despite how normal I seem now. Some friends are like "Gosh you should so dump him, how could you trust him again," & Nad's like "Die mmg syg ko laa..blablayadayada.." & yet no one fucking knows how I feel, even right now, after everything's supposingly over & done with.

Physically I'm fine, but I'm emotionally drained, full stop. I'm tired of thinking so much, I'm so darn sick of seeing those images in my head; I just feeling like dropping dead & perhaps nvr wake up again.

Basically, it was not tht bad a crime, which is why I gave it a second chance. Although, it made me trust him less, & I mean wayyy less compared to before, & perhaps nothing currently would gain back the trust I had. & these feelings won't be changing for a long while. It's not easy loving a person, yet feel afraid that he'll just toy around with your feelings, & end up hurting you. It's not easy wanting him to be with you every single second, yet want to push him away b'cuz of what he did. Now I spent my time gazing into space & ask why, why do all this to me, & attempt to cover up certain things, & act like everything's okay. At this point I'm at, nothing anyone, even him say or do can comfort me. I feel stupid, weak. Perhaps if it happens again after this all I could say to myself is 'serve you right'.

Okay, so basically noone would understand what I'm posting about; but anyway, I'm just letting out a little of the pain I'm feeling, since I don't even know myself why I feel so fucked up really. T_T

30th April 2009.

Went out again with syg, with an addition of Nad. Wanted to go to UTAR, to settle my application stuff, then to KLCC, to meet some of syg's ex-classmates. Otw I broke down & started crying, I finally pushed the limit of keeping everything inside me.

Haven't been to KLCC in yrs, I barely rmbr actually when was the last time I went there. N'way, took a walk at the park. Parking; fucking 8 ringgit fer less than 3hrs. Pfft.

A lot of pics really, but I'm not up to blogging much actually right now. Mayb tmrw.


.Farah Alia.
Growing up, lost in her ups & downs, desperately trying to find the real meaning of life. With only 18 yrs of experience in life, its a journey. With memories that can nvr be forgotten.


Family. <33
The best family ever. To mummy & papa; Bringing me into this world, raising me up & protecting me, you're the only ones that I know who would never abandon me. You taught me the importance of loving a family, to take care of others, to value life & live as a good person. Even if once I didn't understand why & thought tht you were a nuisance to me, as I grow older I started to know why, & try my best to appreciate it. Of course, growing up, as Mummy puts it, I nvr know how high the sky is or how deep the ground is, in other words, I don't know my limits, but one thing's fer sure, I'll nvr forget how important family really is. Words of wisdom, I live to the fullest each day. I love you all.

Friends. <33
All sorts. Close, best, good, or just friends. All around, to laugh with, to share with, to be together with. Besties like Nad, supportive when they can be, there to cheer you up when you're down, we need people like that in our lives. I'm grateful to have friends like y'all, to share the fun I experience with. To just talk, or chill, or hangout. A part of your life that is always a must fer everyone. I love y'all. (:


Mell Joy Hilman
Liyana Sharia


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