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.Sunday, May 10, 2009 @ 12:02 AM Y

Currently tuning into: Hinder - Without You

Cause something’s changed
You’ve been acting so strange
And its taking its toll on me
Its safe to say that I’m not ready to let you leave

All those couples that go on for years. I wonder how they get through their problems. Menipu bsar la kan klu ckp sde prob lgsg. & those who break up after years together. I wonder how they manage it. If it were me I'd just gulp down a whole bottle of clorox or something & be done with it. T_T

Alright, here I am, draining myself with those stupid thoughts again. God, someone please, please help me out of this misery. I seriously can't take it anymore, I just feel like jumping off a cliff or something. Yet, what confuses me the most is, there's nothing wrong atm really. I still have him, there's no other girl (supposingly la kan), he's still talking to me (in a way la), yet why do I feel so shitty?? Gahh. Someone's gonna have to refrain me bfore I end up doing stupid stuff again. Pfft.

Ten more days till my 7th month anniversary. Under normal circumstances I'd be really excited, eventhough I won't be celebrating anything as usual, but now, is it even neccessary counting the days any longer? For god sakes will he even rmbr it anyway? Gah. Even knowing he's still with me isn't helping anymore. I just want him right here with me at this moment, hugging & kissing me & telling me that he is still here by me, that the events these few days are forever over & done with, & there's only two of us, just as it had always been.

Everything seems so close yet so far away. It was only last week we spent a few days together, 4 whole solid days to be exact, yet after all this it seems like years since I last saw him. I guess I'll be feeling this way right until I see him again, though only God knows when.

My worst fear; losing loved ones. It only seemed like a phrase, not until I really experienced it. After almost losing Amin, I feel scared of everything. I'm scared of life, scared of the future, I'm even scared of myself. Sheesh.

N'way, enough about me seriously, it's Mother's Day wey!

Happy Mother's Day mummy! I've never shown enough gratitude for these 17 yrs of my life to prove just how much you mean to me. I've done so many things in the previous yrs tht have upsetted you, yet you took care of me & here I am, the person I am right now, eventhough still a useless git HAHA.

All these yrs I would hate you whenever you yell or scold me, yet now I know you did all that b'cuz you love me. I feel touched when you tell Nad & Saleh & Amin that really I'm a good girl compared to many teenagers of this generation nowadays, eventhough you know I've done a lot of bad things in the past. Despite all that, you nvr pushed me away, & still tried you best to make me as useful as a person should be. I don't know really how to put everything into words, but yet, I'm sure you know what I mean. (:

I'd never ever forget the day I brought Amin home to meet you. The very 1st boyf I brought home! Haha. I nvr expected you to approve of him, to be so open & sporting about me having a boyf. I still thank you for teaching me how to be a good girlf, for teaching me how to take care of him, just b'cuz you know how much I love him. Like that night, when I didn't dare come home b'cuz papa was home early (lol!). Under normal circumstances, I expected you to say tht I shall nvr meet him again. I was so scared & upset that night. Yet I felt a rush of a whole lot of gratitude when all you did was scold us & even let him stay at home! Haha. I'm grateful that you were so concerned when I fought with Amin over the phone tht night, though I'm sorry I didn't explain, I didn't know how to. I feel very grateful of the support you gave me & Amin, & how much you accepted him, this is one thing I will never ever forget. You were so understanding, you even showed me how to advise Amin to build him into a good future husband! Ahaha.

I've been with you whenever you're happy, whenever you're sad. It hurts when I see you cry, when I see you so so sad. I'm glad that with just my presence I lessen the pain that you felt. I'm grateful fer all the advise you gave. A lot of your advise helps me grow up. I enjoy the laughter we share, no matter what we're laughing about. I feel so protected whenever you hug me when I cry, when I'm sad. Eventhough I rarely come to you for help, it feels comforting knowing you're always around.

I love you so so much mummy, I just don't know how to express it. Ever since I finished school, & spent more time at home, only do I realise just how much you mean to me. You showed me the horrors in this world & taught me how to protect myself. You are always there to catch me if I fall. From now onwards, all I can do is be the person that you've always wanted me to be. Successful in studies & life, be able to get a good future husband, have my own happy family. Thanks fer giving birth to me mummy. I love you. (:


.Farah Alia.
Growing up, lost in her ups & downs, desperately trying to find the real meaning of life. With only 18 yrs of experience in life, its a journey. With memories that can nvr be forgotten.


Family. <33
The best family ever. To mummy & papa; Bringing me into this world, raising me up & protecting me, you're the only ones that I know who would never abandon me. You taught me the importance of loving a family, to take care of others, to value life & live as a good person. Even if once I didn't understand why & thought tht you were a nuisance to me, as I grow older I started to know why, & try my best to appreciate it. Of course, growing up, as Mummy puts it, I nvr know how high the sky is or how deep the ground is, in other words, I don't know my limits, but one thing's fer sure, I'll nvr forget how important family really is. Words of wisdom, I live to the fullest each day. I love you all.

Friends. <33
All sorts. Close, best, good, or just friends. All around, to laugh with, to share with, to be together with. Besties like Nad, supportive when they can be, there to cheer you up when you're down, we need people like that in our lives. I'm grateful to have friends like y'all, to share the fun I experience with. To just talk, or chill, or hangout. A part of your life that is always a must fer everyone. I love y'all. (:


Mell Joy Hilman
Liyana Sharia


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