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.Sunday, January 11, 2009 @ 11:34 PM Y

Currently tuning into: Paramore - My Heart

This heart, it beats, beats for only you.
My heart is yours. (:

Sooo. Today last yr, was the beginning of a disaster. One tht myself, Nad, & not to forget Bell would ever forget. Well, especially me, but mind you, eventhough at tht time it was frustrating, nw Nad & I think back about it & start laughing.

11th January 2007, Friday. Today was the first time I met Faqrul Radzi, aka Bunjuwt in person, after getting to know him from Myspace a few months back. Oh, here's the small details bout me & him. Yes, I was already taken at tht time, yet Jut & I were dang close. We practically spent the whole day texting each other & at night he would call me after hanging out with his friends & after late night games(dak scoot laa).

N'way, on this day I had tuition in the afternoon, so arranged to meet him at Makbul, before I went fer class. Since I basically knew tht I would have trouble talking to him (I'm kinda quiet, u know. Lmao) I invited Bell to come along, to help kill the akward silence tht I knew would be there. So, after school I stayed back at WY's hse to get ready, then at 4-ish walked to Makbul, before my class at 5.15. Meeting him was akward, but thank God Bell finally came, along with her bf then & Nad, making the meeting quite enjoyable.

N'way, long story cut short, after he got to know my friends, the trouble began. He began fooling around with all of us. Eventually, due to me having a huge crush on him, & being a little too possessive, eventhough we were not an item, all these little stuff got to me. Like Nad & Bell going out late nights with him, & stuff like tht. Of course, we nvr knew about each other's activities with him, until one day both of them decided to come clean with me. Among the three of us, I was always the most sensitive, so after hearing their stories, I couldn't help but feel a little hurt. After all, I met him first, we were supposed to be the ones close to each other, so why should my besties be involved too?

N'way, after each 3 of us knew what was going on, we decided to play a prank on him. One night, all of us asked him out, Nad & Bell asking him to pick them up at their hse, while I told him to come to my hse(woohooo! haha). Lmao. We all decided to ask him to come at exactly the same time, 2am. Course, we all asked him out at separate times. The most amusing part was tht he said yes to all of us. Hah. Talk about greedy huh? Sah2 tgh sanggap thap cipan la tuh. So, the next step was to reject him, one by one. Nad rejected him first, since she wasn't well, & Bell ignored him completely, since she was with her bf, though she was the one tht asked him out. Haha. Finally, he came to me. My simple excuse: line xclear. He got so frustrated he started sighing very loud over the phone. For the fact tht he was already in front of my hse. Haha. Wtf. Pdan ngan mke ko.

N'way, many other things happened I guess, but fer the sake of my friends privacy I won't be writing about them. Oh, did I tell you, tht Nad had a crush on Jut too? Yea, weeks after knowing him, & going through everything tht I went through, she fell for him, & mind you, she fell hard, alike me. But despite all the fighting our friendship was basically too strong to be torn apart, & everything went back to before, though I was still a little stuck & upset from the event. Nad & Bell actually wrote about it in their 1st term exam. The ending of the essay was given, "...& there was nothing but pain & frustration in her eyes,". Yea, you've guessed, tht particular 'her' they wrote about was me. Since both wrote the same story, their English teacher was soon after me, asking questions. Wtf.

Eventually, after this event, Nad & Bell started getting involved with Jut's friends, & the same story happened again, this time I was stuck in the middle. Even I myself had a fling with one of the boys in this "SJ scoot" gang, but nothing serious. Guess those idiots are jinxes. N'way, Nad & I made a deal to write about this today, but since she's bz working, guess I'm the only one. Lol.

12th January 2007, 4am, Saturday. I broke up with my boyf then, Ismail Ihsan. Why? B'cuz I was a terrible girlf, tht's why. I fooled around with other guys, I even had another boyf, & basically the only reason I agreed to be his girlf was b'cuz I was thinking tht this would help me move on from my previous break up. & after doing all this, I felt terribly guilty, knowing tht he loved me so much & I was being so unfaithful. So, hence, yea, I broke it off. For both our own goods. So, if you, Is, happen to read this sometime in the future, here's the real answer tht I've been keeping ever since.

N'way, I learnt my lesson, the hard way. I never liked hurting other ppl's feelings, & b'cuz of my selfishness, I did the last thing tht I had sworn not to do, ever. After the end of this relationship I had sworn to never let myself agree to being a person's girlf if I knew I would never be committed. I stuck myself to tht promise, right until this very moment. Boys came in & out of my life like tv programmes, but I rejected them gently but firmly, if I didn't have any feelings for them.

I just don't want to be one of those girls that go behind their boyf's back. I don't want to hurt other people's feelings, when it is so unneccessary. I don't want to play the fool, playing with other people's feelings. & I definitely do not want to be labelled as the bitch who likes playing around with guys. I mean, if someone actually did it to you, you'd hate it too wouldn't you? These are the certain things that you could avoid doing completely, full stop. Besides tht, what goes around comes around, so why treat others badly when eventually they'll come back to you. Gah, guess there's just a whole lot to learn about in life.


.Farah Alia.
Growing up, lost in her ups & downs, desperately trying to find the real meaning of life. With only 18 yrs of experience in life, its a journey. With memories that can nvr be forgotten.


Family. <33
The best family ever. To mummy & papa; Bringing me into this world, raising me up & protecting me, you're the only ones that I know who would never abandon me. You taught me the importance of loving a family, to take care of others, to value life & live as a good person. Even if once I didn't understand why & thought tht you were a nuisance to me, as I grow older I started to know why, & try my best to appreciate it. Of course, growing up, as Mummy puts it, I nvr know how high the sky is or how deep the ground is, in other words, I don't know my limits, but one thing's fer sure, I'll nvr forget how important family really is. Words of wisdom, I live to the fullest each day. I love you all.

Friends. <33
All sorts. Close, best, good, or just friends. All around, to laugh with, to share with, to be together with. Besties like Nad, supportive when they can be, there to cheer you up when you're down, we need people like that in our lives. I'm grateful to have friends like y'all, to share the fun I experience with. To just talk, or chill, or hangout. A part of your life that is always a must fer everyone. I love y'all. (:


Mell Joy Hilman
Liyana Sharia


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