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.Friday, January 23, 2009 @ 12:37 AM Y

Currently tuning into: Britney Spears - Quicksand

Everything's changing & I don't feel the same.

Work's officially over for the week, & I'll be continuing after CNY, on Wednesday. After my 5th day being in this job, I guess it isn't all bad after all. In fact, I'm starting to enjoy it quite abit.

N'way, this afternoon one of the abangs working in front of my shop came up to me & asked what was my plans after getting my results. Then he asked me to work hard, & study hard in the future. Since then I spent the whole day daydreaming, wondering how life would be like in a few months time. Among those thoughts:

1. Studies. Would I succeed in getting into UiTM? If I do, where will I be? Near home or far from all loved ones? Would I succeed in being a major in business & finance? If I don't get into UiTM, would I be stuck working in Hinode, or perhaps some other job?

2. PLKN. Will I escape frm going, or at least request to postpone? Or will I be going for those 3 months? If I do, how would everything change when I come back? Will they remain the same as before, or would there be changes? If really there are changes, will they be good or bad?

3. The boyf. Will I still be with him in those months to come? Or would we have gone separate ways, leaving behind all we had? & if I really do go for PLKN, will he be there waiting for me with open arms when I get back, or would he have abandoned all we had & started a new life, excluding me? Would there be any probs in future where a 3rd party would be involved?

Gosh. Thinking about tht boyf part actually made me want to drop down on the floor & start crying. Yea, at work. Imagine me doing tht. I swore I almost cried out loud, if it wasn't for the fact tht I was working & had make-up on. It hurts to think, to imagine coming back frm PLKN to see a person I love so much, with another person, just b'cuz I wasn't there for 3 months. It hurts to have to accept the fact tht, it is indeed reality. I mean, which guy would actually have the will to wait for 3months, without seeing other girls in tht period, or sumthing like tht. Chances of tht happening is like less than 1%. Nevertheless, thinking of tht still makes me want to cry, especially since now so many things have changed. A distance in our relationship, fights over basically nothing, less keeping in touch than before, all these small things that leave a huge impact on me. Right now if I had the tears to cry I would have broke down immediately. Seriously, it's hard having to say I don't care when I care every single bit. The sensitivity in me I guess.

& studies. Gah. I hate to think of what to expect when I receive my Spm results. How many As will I get? Will I fail any subject? I'm quite sure tht I failed TK, cuz I didn't really answer tht paper much. Gah. Thinking of tht is so darn depressing it's like a 5kg weight on my head. Business & finance huh? I'd like to see how I could actually cope with tht.

Gah. I feel so sick & sad & depressed right now it's killing me. I'm hoping it's just the PMS mood, bz welcoming my monthly period.

Crap. I just rmbred. Tht's another prob.


.Farah Alia.
Growing up, lost in her ups & downs, desperately trying to find the real meaning of life. With only 18 yrs of experience in life, its a journey. With memories that can nvr be forgotten.


Family. <33
The best family ever. To mummy & papa; Bringing me into this world, raising me up & protecting me, you're the only ones that I know who would never abandon me. You taught me the importance of loving a family, to take care of others, to value life & live as a good person. Even if once I didn't understand why & thought tht you were a nuisance to me, as I grow older I started to know why, & try my best to appreciate it. Of course, growing up, as Mummy puts it, I nvr know how high the sky is or how deep the ground is, in other words, I don't know my limits, but one thing's fer sure, I'll nvr forget how important family really is. Words of wisdom, I live to the fullest each day. I love you all.

Friends. <33
All sorts. Close, best, good, or just friends. All around, to laugh with, to share with, to be together with. Besties like Nad, supportive when they can be, there to cheer you up when you're down, we need people like that in our lives. I'm grateful to have friends like y'all, to share the fun I experience with. To just talk, or chill, or hangout. A part of your life that is always a must fer everyone. I love y'all. (:


Mell Joy Hilman
Liyana Sharia


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